What does it mean, living for myself?

I’ve struggled with this because of all the conflicting messages I get from society, friends, and family.

I grew up being taught that I should not be selfish and should always be considerate of others. I tried that and it became so ingrained in me that I actually have no idea what I want for myself.

I also tried to be the person I thought my partner wanted me to be. The same happened with friends. Unfortunately, I lost myself in the process and it has become distasteful for me at this point.

I also did many things I’m not proud of and in hindsight, those things I did because I felt out of alignment with my own personal values that I became dishonest with myself and others. As a result, in attempts to keep myself aligned with my own values and balancing with values of others, I actually became depressed and was in a constant state of confusion. This created a world in which I imprisoned myself in perpetual confusion and chaos, preventing me from seeing what I really wanted to do.

Amid the chaos and unnecessary pain, I realize now that I am no longer bound by anyone’s rules except my own. This is the only way I can realize my life’s potential and to finally move on. I realize that my rules may come into conflict with others’ and that there eventually will be tensions/conflicts. I happily accept this because it means I am living for myself and no longer capitulating to the whims or desires of others.

For those of you out there, I wish the same for you – to live your life as you truly want it to be. Do not be a captive of your own limiting beliefs or others!

Peace be with you.

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”
-Barbara De Angelis